Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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