Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
