I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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