i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
