I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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