Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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