Got a toothbrush?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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