Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
