ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
