Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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