Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
