You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
