These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
