Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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