I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize