dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
