Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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