I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
