Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
