I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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