No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
