just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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