you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize