I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
