I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
