is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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