To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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