literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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