We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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