I looked at my own cervix.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
