FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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