Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
