Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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