I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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