I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
