dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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