Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
