Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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