my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize