I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize