do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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