Just fell off a train. Bad.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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