Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize