JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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