Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
