I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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