She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
