My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
