So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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