Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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