Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
