2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize