what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
