the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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