Ketchup is God's man juice
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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