JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
