So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
