that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
