I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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