never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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