Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
