hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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