my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
