Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
