i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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