Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So apparently I’m into choking now
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