Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
