Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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