I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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