If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
