My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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