A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All the doctor said was why
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
