He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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