I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
