come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
