omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
