there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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