Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize