the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
