you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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