The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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