sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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