South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
