So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
