We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
As shirtless as possible
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
