my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize