If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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