ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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