aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
