I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
