how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i need to put some appletini on your dick
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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