TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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