At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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