dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
